When I think of the pros and cons of living in NYC, I list the subway both places. It’s a pro in that you save on the costs of owning a car. That’s it for subway pros.

The cons? How about jam packed trains and cars, people reading their newspapers on your back, shoulder, or any of your body extremities that happen to be in view? How about the people with their ipods and backpacks who can’t hear you say excuse me so that you can get by them in a crowded car and who hit you with their backpacks if you do try to squeeze by anyway? Or the well dressed guy in the 3-piece Armani who grabs the seat next to you and smells like the bum that you tried to avoid sitting next to in the other car?

The folks who decide it’s their constitutional right to stand at the exits of the car all the way from uptown Manhattan to downtown Brooklyn and who look at you with a scowl when you try to make your paid for ingress and egress from the train? The people seeking handouts who decide to board the train at 5:00 p.m just in time for rush hour? You move over to another car and there’s a five-man vocal group who never made it in the 60’s and strangely enough still think they have a shot at it in the 2000’s and need to exhibit their talent in an overcrowded train full of tired, frenetic, depressed commuters who just heard on the news before leaving work that the Dow plummeted another 500 points thus converting their 401k’s into 101k’s?

The old lady who shoves you out of the way almost causing you to lose your balance as she dashes for the one available seat in the car competing with a 350-pound man who gets there first and hastily sits down, in the process displacing two seated individuals to the left and right?

How about the subway conductor to whom you ask a question about how to get to South Street Seaport and who refers you to the map in the car which you can’t see properly because of the tall fella sitting next to it and whose body covers it entirely? What about those tourists that just have to saunter in with their maps, papers, backpacks, luggage at rush hour rather than taking an earlier train since they pretty much can control their own schedules?

The crowds, the scents, the perverts having a field day with crowded cars, the scowls, the pole and door huggers, the ipod wearers who don’t give a damn about you trying to get by, the seats designed in the Orient for smaller sized people and unsuited for Americans thus forcing you to stand if an even slightly overweight person sits since she then needs to occupy 1.5 seats leaving you no room? And some highly paid MTA consultant probably recommended the ordering of fore mentioned cars in order to “save costs” but in reality to show that they are earning their grossly paid fees.

I tell you, if I could land a job somewhere nice where I could drive to work, secure a house with even a small yard, and seduce a loving woman to worship the ground I walk on (lol), I would exit the city in a New York minute and never look back at an NYC subway again.

Ah…a little fantasy never hurt anyone. What’s that, sir, the train is out of service again and I’d better wake up or get kicked off?