Make Mine Well Done And On The House

It’s seventy-five degrees, cool breeze blowing, beautiful summer evening at a prominent watering hole and steakhouse on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. The restaurant is doing a brisk business both indoors and in its outdoor/patio service. Patrons are happy, jovial, sipping their drinks and enjoying a nice meal, good company, pleasant conversation, and a relaxed atmosphere.

Guy walks in off the street, impeccably dressed, warm smile, steps up to bar and asks bartender for John. Bartender replies that John left establishment about one year ago. Fella looks disappointed but peruses menu anyway and orders most expensive cut of steak from this well-known steakhouse. He enjoys a martini while awaiting his well-done steak. While taking in the ambiance and frivolity, he engages others at bar in friendly conversation – discussing local politics and the day’s headline news.

After his hearty meal, he orders another martini, followed by a glass of Muscata, a fine Italian dessert wine. He then orders dessert and in the meantime steps outside to apparently have a smoke – as other diners were also doing.

The well-dressed, suave, friendly, conversational gentleman never returns and the bartender is stuck with a bill of $125.00.

Rumor has it that this fella enjoys his evening meals repeating this episode in fancy restaurants across town

Ketchup, Anyone?

Middle-Aged man in Texas hat and cowboy boots strolls in to Mickey D’s in Rockefeller Center area. Walks up to cashier and bellows, “Give me a Texas-sized burger and some good old Southern fries!” Cashier corrects and fills his order and he grabs a seat. Everyone stares at him as he rapidly devours meal, belches loudly, and gets up to put on top half of rodeo outfit – a stylish denim jacket that he had hung on chair back.

Man and woman seated behind jump up and point out to him that there’s a heap of ketchup and mustard at back of his jacket. Woman grabs his jacket and whips out tissue from purse to render assistance. Meantime her male companion engages Texas man in conversation about weather in NYC, asks tourist how’s it down there in Texas, is Bush still a popular hombre there, etc.

Wiped jacket returned to grateful man from Texas who profusely thanks couple for kindness. Couple exit hurriedly saying they’re in a rush for the early matinee at Radio City. Texas man leaves Mickey D’s, then moments later runs back in yelling, “I’ve lost my wallet and my cell phone that were in my jacket! Anybody found them?!”

The ketchup scam strikes again.