“I thought for sure Cupid had finally struck and that there would be no escape for me. After all, for days and weeks and then months, I tossed and turned in my sleep each night; I could hardly eat or concentrate on work, writing, or studies; I lost my appetite even for all the mouth-watering dishes I’d normally devour in a minute. My face broke out in pimples and my eyes turned yellow.

“Surely, I reflected, these must be signs of falling madly in love – accompanied by love boils and all! Someone must have fallen for me, at last, and I too must have stumbled head over heels for that sexy lady at work or perhaps that curvaceous beauty in class.

“I sought confirmation from my shrink, lest my giddiness should get out of control. Alas, he advised that I take a laxative and set my bodily rhythm back in proper balance – for I was not in love but in need of a good cleaning out of the system.”…”The Life and Times of Johnny Amazon”