“I’ve noticed two new changes in my life recently.

“Firstly, many of my friends keep boasting about what hot, steamy sex lives they’re having. To that I always reply that I’m the better man because I go home and spend my time cultivating my artistic and cultural interests.

“I watch a nice movie or read a good Charles Dickens classic or enjoy a beautiful painting or watch a nice ballet on public TV. Yeah, I’m the better person, for while they are wasting their time having tantric sex, I’m enjoying the finer things in life.

“The second thing I’ve noticed is that the grapes I buy at my supermarket are not as tasty as before. In fact, they are downright sour.”…”The Life and Times of Johnny Amazon”